i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
