Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
