Kareoke will never be a sober sport
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
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