If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
