i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
i think im in europe. pls send help
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
