Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
