I wish I could punch you in the face.
Don't make out with my wife yet
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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