Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize