oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
