got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
