my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
