I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
