While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
