and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Randomize
