My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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