i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
