did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize