his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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