dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
pop tarts are not kleenex
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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