He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
