so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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