and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
