hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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