He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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