Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
