Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I think a kid would responsible me up
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
