Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
