thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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