yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
