I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
