I want to stick my p in your. b.
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
