I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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