OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I am naked and annoyed.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
