my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
