the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
