Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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