You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.