There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.