Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
