Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
