Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
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