I think I died a long time ago.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
