im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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