So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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