And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
