The maid of honor just puked.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You've changed since you got that strap on
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
