How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
