We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Pants are for mortals
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
