i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
