i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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