One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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