So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
