I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
You dont lie about slip and slides
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
