HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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