I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Bang-toberfest begins!!
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
