just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
