Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
