Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
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There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
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I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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