i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
