Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
