The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
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I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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