TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
