I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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