Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Randomize
