I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
