Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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