Can i not drive my cunt home
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
