whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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