shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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