The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
