# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
