i permit you to call me
wanna go halves on a baby?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
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I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
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I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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