Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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