its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
