There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
