god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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