But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
