I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I believe in your delicious
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
