i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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