Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I still have a little drunk in my system
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
