Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I think I am morally bankrupt
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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